Match Preview: Shebeen Boys #AllinForG

There is a time after every battle, the dust settles and the cries of war are but a distant memory on the wind. There is a time after every skirmish where the trampling of feet and the clash of bodies are replaced by an eerie silence. At this time, each side attempts to tally up the myriad losses and victories fought for on the battle field. To the victors go the spoils, as they say. Those vanquished are left deliberating how they came upon this point, what course of action would have tipped the scales in their favour.

Lest we forget, the phoenix rises from the ashes and the Fynbos is strengthened through the flame. So it is with man and adversity. In the face of the adversity that has threatened to derail everything that we hold dear, there has arisen a call to arms among the Shebeen Boys. This resounding cry was for a return to the battlefield on Friday night, and it emanated from the belly of the Shebeen brotherhood. “All in For G” has, and will reverberate through the stands, around the hallowed change rooms and out into the night sky above the glorious battlefield at Villager Football Club tomorrow night.

This cry for victory in our battle against Goodwood will be carried out by an exceptionally talented and driven group of Shebeen brothers:

Anchoring the scrum is infinitely experienced Dieter Schreiber. He is joined by regular hooker, but equally adept prop, Aaron Herbert, previously described as “A child lineout-feed prodigy. This kid is revolutionising the art of the lineout throw” [F. Brogneri]. The ham in Dieter and Aaron’s sandwich this week is Calvin Klein poster boy, Tyler Reichardt. Tyler at hooker means we have an extra ball scavenger on the field, in an attempt to play more ball-in-hand rugby. As usual, “Lineout God” Brendan Hadley Hepburn and Captain Fantastic Fabio Brogneri pack down at 4 and 5, ensuring the perfect combination between brains and brawn, between mongrel and class, between soft milky complexion and hard Mediterranean tan lines. Back to snatch some more possession with a deft flick of his wand is Lee Nicholson. His cry for the night will definitely be “Accio Ball” as he attempts to become the most prolific pilferer in our recent history [Sorry Brent Light]. In a slight change-up, robust ball carrier Kieran Casserley joins the pack at 7. Kieran will add much grunt and go forward in the tight phases, as well as contributing heavily to the average chest and bicep size of the entire squad. Rounding off the pack is Michael Van Schalkwyk, back again in his beloved number 8 jersey. Michael was recently voted in the top 10 “Biggest douchebag” names, and I’m hoping our opposition mention it to him during the game.

Hoping to take advantage of some front-foot ball created by the forwards, our back line sees almost wholesale changes from the last outing. Welcomed back into the squad after a lengthy, teammate enforced absence is regular number 9, Robbie Stemmet. Ironman and his assured pass will to get the back line going, along with a few female heartrates [Sorry, he’s taken]. Slotting in at pivot is sensationally gifted resident of the Shire, Justin Haynes. What Frodo lacks in leg-length and accessibility to boots that fit, he more than makes up for in flair, creativity and quality of distribution. Newcomer to number 12 is our very own lock-centreCourtney Chase. Chalkers is the newly appointed nutritionist for the team, which one can assume only means a fit and lean rugby machine with his high cholesterol pre-game diet. Outside him at 13 is super-fast, super-agile man-child Devon Van Schalkwyk. Devzooooo6 has quite a bit to make up for after injuring Ironman a few weeks back, and he is possibly my pick for any duties that might involve putting beverages in cups for the lads after the game. Squad comedians Darrin Page and Callan Soumaoperate on the wings, just waiting to pounce on loose ball. Oozing class, beating off females, and stepping okes in their absolute moer is what these two were born to do. Rounding off the starting 15 is Kyle Williamson. Affectionately known as Smeagol, our fines master is a scintillating combination of quick feet, creativity and sheer lion-hearted commitment. Don’t be fooled by how ludicrously skinny he is.

The bench holds some monumental figures who are sure to add their own brand of Shebeen Gees to it in the latter stages. Living on his own planet, but making the trip to earth for tomorrow night’s game, Dangerous Richard Den Das is looking to get loose, and not just in his positional play. Bulking up the forward pack even further, Warren Wazza T Taylor finally dons the Shebeen colours once more. So long has it been since Treebeard ran on in the Green and White, he might also be in the hat for beverage top up duties post battle! Only one of the Morgan boys graces our woodwork this week, as Colin puts Bryan to work on a Friday night while he has a jol with the lads. Our back line reserves are all electric, and certainly know their way around an in-goal area. Traversing all the way from Udubs, and with a serious itch in his right foot is Rob Watkins, may bru. If he puts as much effort into his play as he does his hair, this oke is ready for a ripper on the field. Regular flyhalf, and the other half of the Stemcell combo Richard Stemmet takes a well earned break this weekend. Gworm will look to boss the game when he gets on in the latter stages, and will be hoping for an opposition that has been run ragged by then. Rounding off the subs bench are two youngsters who have a lot of rugby to play for Shebeen. Troy Cunningham and Kent Davids will be looking to strike the death knell for the opponents on the battlefield come tomorrow evening, no matter what position they grace the field in.

The time for deliberation is now done. Gone are the thoughts of previous wars waged on this most sanctified of battlegrounds, forgotten are the losses that clouded our thoughts. Now is the time for the dust to rise again, and for the opposition to shrink in the face of our unity and might! Tomorrow night, at 8:30 at Villagers Football Club, the Shebeen Boys go into battle for themselves, for each other, and for G!

Don’t miss it, it is sure to be a humdinger!!!